Jun
21
2015

Managing Relationships!

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Each one of us has to face situations day in and day out, where we are required to be with people whom we dislike or who dislike us because of various reasons. Such situations can fuel in a lot of stress and rob us of our mental peace. Also in majority of such cases we are also not having the luxury of moving the person out of our life. He may be our relative, friend, co-worker, neighbour or social associate.

Relationship issues are a major stress creator for majority of the people these days. So let us see a few options that can be exercised to solve this issue step by step from at-least our end and bring back the mental peace we want so much.

Step 1-Introspect-It is very crucial that we honestly probe our true feelings, behaviour and mind-set on the issue .This needs to be done in peace and with enough time in hand. Instead of feeling too over-sensitive, we need to observe ourselves objectively and take responsibility for our actions. We need to remember that we may not  always be perfect and nor should expect the same from others. A clear thought process may resolve so many issues so easily. Where-ever we find ourselves guilty, we should plan for corrective steps and take them immediately. Accepting our faults and trying to improve shows maturity and soberness! A heart felt sorry will help mend broken bridges.

Step 2-Try to discuss the issue-The first and the foremost step is to decide the place and time for discussing the issue. These two things need to be decided based on mutual comfort. Prior to discussion, we need to de-clutter our mind on the agenda. The agenda to be discussed should be objective and rationale, keeping emotions in control as far as possible. You should be relaxed enough to be a patient listener. Understanding the other side of the story is the most crucial factor for finding a solution.

Manipulation may help you to get an edge but won’t help in finding the remedy so be honest and accepting.

Discussions in a congenial atmosphere should be done at-least twice or thrice with a proper time gap.

Latter discussions can be done by seeking help from a common mediator, who has influence and cordial relationship with both the parties. This should only be done if one to one discussions  are not yielding results. The mediator should be individually updated by both parties .Only mature and unbiased person can be a good mediator. Here the trust factor is critical. If any of the parties feels that mediator is biased than nothing productive many come out. It is better to take professional help in such cases.

Step 3-Ignore-Ignoring does not mean that we run away from the situation, for that may not be possible in a lot of cases. Even after discussing and sorting out the matter from our end, if we feel that the other person is not ready to listen or adjust than we need to ignore.

Ignoring here implies that we should condition our mind to stop continuously bombarding us with the thoughts of that relationship. It is very common phenomenon that our mind continuously rewinds the thoughts of such instances leading to stress and anxiety. It is important that we stop our mind from doing so .This requires self control.

Also we need to understand that every- one has his own thought pattern and learning .Different people will surely have different perspectives to the same issue. It’s important that we discuss and explain them our perspective. If they are not ready to understand,  than we should give them space and time to learn. Not everybody is a fast learner.

We also need to stop discussing the issue casually with a third party after the initial discussions, as this may only complicate matters in most of the times or in future. Even if someone else tries to discuss, we must not entertain. The more we stop discussing and thinking about the matter, better it is .At-least we will get back our peace of mind.

Do not try to hurt or bad mouth the relationship in focus. This will help a lot in the long run.

Ignoring will also help the other person to understand that you are a strong and mature individual. Be there to help him in his bad times but detach yourself emotionally.

Step 4-Forgive and Forget-Always remember that no one is perfect and we should be large hearted to forgive and forget. Forgiving will make us a good human being in our eyes, if not in others. Also forgetting will help us save our time thinking about someone who is not worthy of our attention. By forgiving someone we do a service to ourselves and not on other. Because by forgiving we free ourselves of that pain that bothers us day in and day out. Life is too short to be wasted on people who do not care. So move on.

These steps if taken with sincerity and patience will go a long way in solving majority of relationship issues.

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